Why didn't you stay just a little bit longer?

Life just isn't fair. It's fucking awful, and I have no apologies to anyone reading this. It's just fucking awful.

Yesterday Xebebe died. She was 12 months old. We don't know why she died. She is buried in the bottom paddock. I buried her this morning. Put her in a calico body bag I made , and wheeled her down there in the wheel barrow. Goodbye Xebebe........ you were so beautiful.

I never dreamed that I could lose an animal like that when I reckon I've done everything to protect them. The vet thinks it could have been peritonitis .....if she had eaten a bit of wire ????? Who knows. It didn't didn't appear to be snake bite, a tick, anything preventable. She had a fever - just skyrocketed. She had a sore foot but that made no sense, because .......... well it just didn't - no cuts, no swelling, no breaks, no dislocations. She'd put her weight on it, but then didn't want to walk.

I cry. I feel sorry for myself. I feel sad for her and her lost life. I just want to curl up and sob.